The Changing Contours of Gender

In ancient Hinduism, the physical manifestation of gender has always been considered something temporary. In the 1st chapter of the book ‘Karmasutra The Karma of Sex’, I have mentioned the ancient Mahabharata (Hindu-epic) story of Shikhandi, a princess who takes birth subsequently in a male physical form, to achieve her objective of taking revenge from Bheeshma, although mentally she is still a woman. There are other examples too.  Lord Vishnu easily takes the form of beautiful Mohini and steals nectar from the hands of demons. The ancient form where Lord Shiva merges into his consort Parvati and assumes the form of half-woman and half-man Ardhanarishwara, is another beautiful example which depicts the fluidity of gender.

Such examples are difficult to find in the Quran or the Bible. In the West, in the Christian tradition, gender has by and large, always been considered sacrosanct – like time and space. Gender change or people behaving different to their originally ‘designed’ gender has been frowned upon in the Bible. The Biblical verse Deuteronomy 22:5 says quite unambiguously “A woman shall not wear a man's garment, nor shall a man put on a woman's cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God.”

In the Old Testament of the Bible, gender roles are clearly stratified. For example, Genesis 2:18 says   “….Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.””   Similarly, in Genesis 3:16  “To the woman he (God) said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.””

As we progress further into the Bible New Testament, things seem to be slightly better for women, with the promise of equality in salvation. For example, in Galatians 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus”.

In the last century, in the West, there has been much improvement in this whole outlook towards the female gender. Starting from women’s suffrage and equality before law, the West has started to accept that gender and the roles based on gender dictated by religious mores are best left to books. Women have increasingly taken up every kind of job previously the sole preserve of men.  For example, today in many parts of the world, there are women in roles such as lorry drivers, taxi drivers, soldiers in frontline combat, fighter plane pilots, heavy crane operators and ladies working as prison wardens inside male prisons.  In most other non-Catholic denominations, women have also acquired many church leadership positions.

For various reasons, Islamic societies have been many steps behind. In countries like Saudi, women still have to be accompanied by men while travelling, or they could be arrested. In order to travel abroad, they need permission from the male head of the family. In many Islamic countries, the women is not considered the equal to man in the eyes of law.  In Pakistan, for example, as per the Hudood ordinance introduced during the Zia regime, a female victim of rape must produce four male witnesses to support her accusation. If she fails to do so, she could be punished for adultery, which again, is a crime in Islam. In other words, the whole onus is on the accused to produce four witnesses, that too males who have witnessed her being raped.  Otherwise the victim could become the convicted criminal. What gross injustice!!

Even in non-Islamic so-called democratic countries such as India, Nepal or Sri Lanka, despite their ancient Eastern influence/traditions, at least in the rural areas and in small towns, the societal norms for women are rather stringent.  For example, there is still a loss of reputation in the society for a family whose daughters travel to and from the house after dark.

On the contrary, in Western developed societies, the acceptance of gender role reversals has gone up by leaps and bounds, to the extent that there is acceptance that men can also take up tasks, meant exclusively for women earlier. This acceptance, backed by law has resulted in far-reaching changes in public attitudes and ideas about gender.  The recent story in Time magazine about a transgender brother of a reputed author breastfeeding the baby created a sensation. There was another similar story in the Guardian. The idea of a man breastfeeding a baby was still shocking to some, while to many, it was a sign of our modern times. If women can do the tasks assigned for men, why can’t men opt for some of the biological tasks reserved for women such as bearing a baby or breast-feeding?

This slow acceptance is not related to acceptance of gender roles. We are also beginning to accept that the physical features that define different genders are also not set in stone. The story of the bearded lady Harnaam Kaur from Slough, UK is a case in point. After struggling with bullying, feelings of inferiority and shame for years, she has slowly transformed into a fashion icon in London. 

This is also perhaps a step forward in gender equality. If men have the choice of retaining the beards or looking clean and well-shaven, why should the same choices not be available to women, especially those who happen to have hair growth?  Some women have also decided to make a statement about their equality by refusing to shave their armpit hair, even when they wear sleeveless clothes.

But if medical sciences kick start their fast-track innovations, in a similar way to what has happened in computing and electronics, perhaps we can really see a world in not-so-far future where gender becomes a fluid and transient identity factor for every human.  Large numbers of people might opt to stay as men for some periods of their lives and then remain women for the remaining part of their lives (or vice-versa). It may also happen that large numbers of people might even choose to keep switching their genders every few years like they might switch their cars, dresses or mobile phones.  When this happens, the whole militant feminism movement may lose some of its steam, simply because if a woman does not like what she is, she can easily switch to become a man. Similarly, if a man does not like it among men, he can opt out of that gender.  Some people might even choose to remain hermaphrodites, since it might give them more flexibility in sexual matters. Most government forms may be forced to remove gender as one factor of identification or may have a query which reads ‘what is your present gender?’ or ‘what gender would you like to declare yourself to be?’

The present thinking of gender as something written in stone must go. The story of Shikhandi’s gender change in Mahabharata across different births will start happening in a single lifetime for many. To all those who seek spiritual guidance in these times of changing paradigms, the ancient Hindu image of Ardhanarishwara should be a guiding futuristic allegory in matters related to gender.

©Staju Jacob, 2017.

Staju Jacob is the author of the path-breaking book Karmasutra The Karma of Sex, which deals with the karmic spirituality of consensual sexual actions. This book is available globally on various Amazon sites in Paperback and Kindle, Sony Kobo, Google books, Iphone Ibook etc.  He may be contacted on Twitter @KaRmasutraTKOS 

Listening to the Universe

Some years back I used to teach in a college in North West London, as a visiting faculty. The classroom was on the third floor of the building. However, most of the other teaching requirements such as white-board markers, laptop, cable for projector etc. were in the faculty office on the ground floor. Most teachers would have to make one or two trips to the ground floor. Thankfully there was a lift. I had two classes per week for one trimester (about three months) on this floor.

I remember I had a pretty lady colleague who used to teach another subject on the same floor and had the same timings as I had. She was lovely with gorgeous sharp features, long dark hair and beautiful dark eyes (sorry readers, this true story is not going anywhere romantic :-)). She was in her late thirties and had put on some weight after her child birth a few years ago. She had a morning as well as afternoon class on the same floor, with an hour lunch-break in between. I often noticed her eating lunch in the classroom itself. On most days I would see her eating some thick cabbage soup. She said she was trying hard to lose weight and cutting down on carbs.  

One fine day in the middle of the trimester, the only lift in that building stopped working. As it turned out, for the entire remaining part of the semester it did not work. During this period my pretty colleague would come up to the third floor once in the morning, climbing the stairs and cursing the college administration for not fixing the lift. Then, till her classes got over at 5 in the evening, she would only go down a floor if she had to use the toilet. Otherwise, she would use her nice charm and smile and ask me or other male colleagues who were going to the ground floor, to get things for her such as markers, if she needed any. Some of the male colleagues teaching on the same floor even went to the ground floor by stairs, only for her – such was her charm. In her own little way she would be mighty pleased that she could get things done with her charm.

At that time it did not strike me, but the irony of it struck me later. This lady was trying to cut down her calories everyday by eating salads and cabbage soup, but when the universe was sending some exercises (like climbing stairs) her way, she was just flatly refusing to accept these gifts. 

The universe (or God or Guardian angel or Allah or Ishwar if some of us prefer that term) is always trying to do some good for us, but sometimes we are not able to appreciate it. In many little ways, universe is sending us messages on what we need holistically, in alignment with our destiny, but we refuse to recognise it. As mentioned in my book, Karmasutra, in order to appreciate and recognise the gifts of our universe, a thinner CSB (cosmic sensitivity barrier) is immensely helpful. If our minds are too busy with the noise of the external world, we lose our fine skills of introspection. 

A bloated ego also leaves little space for introspection. The November 2016 blog introspection matrix http://karmasutratkos.blogspot.co.uk/2016/11/an-introspection-framework.html might be of some help here. Similarly, some methods to reduce bloated ego might also help. (Refer http://karmasutratkos.blogspot.co.uk/2016/12/beating-down-ego-some-feasible-tried.html)

Perhaps I can share some more simple examples of how the universe tries to tell us things. Sometimes we have come for a big function with food and find sadly that many of the dishes are over. This is the universe trying to tell us that we do not need those extra calories, or protecting us from that food. 

A friend I knew in Goa once told me in the presence of his wife that he used to get mad at her sometimes when he returned from work and found that the quantity of rice on his dinner plate was less. However, his wife commented that she used to put the same quantity on the plate, but on some days my friend would be ravenously hungry. My friend wondered why his wife could not cook a little extra rice every day. The wife retorted that she never liked to waste rice on the days when her husband did not have much appetite.

After this conversation, my friend had told me that his wife used to cook extra rice every day so that he can eat to his heart’s content. At the time of the conversation, I empathised with my friend, because I have had myself been guilty of similar conversations with my mother about food.

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to talk to this friend and he told me that he has been diagnosed with high cholesterol and borderline diabetes. My friend blamed it on possible stress at work. It struck me that few years back, the universe was trying to send him a message through his wife, to eat less at night, but he would simply not listen to what the universe was telling him.

Another North Indian friend of mine likes to drive fast. One day for some reason his car engine overheated in summer and his car broke down somewhere on a long journey. Perhaps the universe was giving him a message to drive slowly.

Universe sends us lot of messages in this fashion. Sometimes we are told that the bus which takes us from the train station to our office (a 15 minute walk) has broken down or cancelled. It is the universe telling us that we need the exercise of walking.

Some of us see late night movies after coming back from work. But we get up early for work on the next day and feel very sleepy. This is the universe telling us that our sleep requirement is far from over. Instead of pushing the message aside by having a double espresso coffee and pumping huge doses of the caffeine drug into our system, perhaps we will do more good if we try to meditate or take a nap in the train or bus while travelling. Perhaps we can use a mobile phone alarm to wake us just before our 20-minute journey is over.

Universe also tells us many things through our body. Assuming one does not have a chronic digestive disorder, high acidity happening frequently is the universe trying to telling us that we are overeating and perhaps having a high sugar diet. We do not need to be spiritually accomplished to read these simple indicators.

Other simple examples of universe telling us:

-We are having our lunch in our office and someone drops in to visit us. It is the universe telling us to stop eating more (by sharing our food with that person) or to at least stop eating at that point of time to prevent too much blood sugar (if sharing is not feasible or if other person refuses the genuine offer).

-Telephone ringing at the point we are eating is the universe telling us to pause our eating or slow down our eating.

-If we are in the office in an intense discussion negotiating terms of a tricky contract, if the phone rings or if a person interrupts the meeting, it is the universe telling us that we need to pause and look at the terms of the contract carefully. We might be missing something important. Perhaps a good idea is to take a break on that day and continue the discussion in the next meeting, after we think through carefully.

-If we are having a heated argument at home with our spouse,  a loved family member or a loving friend, and if there is an interruption like the phone or door bell ringing, never ignore it. The universe is trying to tell us through the interruption that we are on the verge of crossing some red lines.  Use that opportunity to divert attention and dissipate the anger. If we ignore the phone and continue the argument there is a strong chance we may say or do something in anger which we may bitterly regret later.

The universe also gives us messages in more complicated areas of our life. Sometimes we try hard to make a romantic relationship work and believe all relationships must be like this.  If our relationship is giving us too much stress and we are losing sleep over whether our relationship will work in the ‘future’, this stress is probably the universe telling us that this relationship is not the right one for us. When we are actually with the person who is meant for us, our happiness increases and despite the occasional fights, we are happy with them. Human beings were not created to have 24x7 emotional stress about their partner. This is an unnatural state of being. If it is happening constantly, this is not the right relationship. Sometimes we refuse to be creative and view all the options in front of us.

The same is true of our work life. We are always more productive at work when we are happy and not too stressed. If our workplace stresses us out constantly, perhaps it is time for us to look for another organisation to work for. The universe always gives us options.

If it is the third or fourth organisation we have moved to and yet we face the same breaking-point pressures, the reality is probably that we are in the wrong career. If we have always loved English literature but are working as an investment banker because our parents pressurised us to accept a profession which has ‘money’ and ‘prestige’, we might keep shifting from one organisation to another but will continue to find it stressful. This is the universe constantly reminding us that we are in the wrong career and that we are going against what we were created to achieve.

Sometimes, even though we love our job, we believe that we are being unfairly treated in one organisation. We move to another organisation.  We find that here also things are as bad and everyone is into dirty politics. Then we jump into another organisation and we find that office politics is even worse here. We always seem to be jumping from frying pan to fire. 

In this case, perhaps it is not because we are in the wrong career. The universe is probably telling us to be less selfish and self-centred.  We are too focussed on what we think and what we feel and have lost sight of ‘how to bring happiness to others’. This is the universe’s way of reminding us to start focussing on others. The remedy is simple. Buy a nice card for someone’s birthday. Genuinely appreciate in public, someone else’s work. We should spend some time with a person whom we don’t generally like and focus on building relationships.

There are other examples of complex messages. Suppose for a moment that I am a devout Muslim and walking peacefully on the High street. A volunteer of some Hindu organisation offers me a free copy of Bhagavad Gita. My first reaction would be to say ‘No thank you’ and move on. But perhaps it is the universe offering me a way to enhance my spiritual understanding by enhancing my knowledge of a different religious path.  Whenever we are ready for a level of knowledge, the universe will provide it to us. There is an old saying I have heard in India. It goes ‘when the disciple is ready, the guru will appear’.

Discerning what the universe is telling us is not always easy because our logical and habitual reactionary instincts sometimes tell differently. However, if we become adept at it, things around us will start falling into place. There will be great increase in overall harmony in our surroundings and others will start calling us lucky.

Let me close with a story I have read somewhere. There was a great spiritual master.  One key teaching of this master was that there is god in everything - animal, human and even in non-living objects. He had many disciples. One disciple was very devoted to his master, but a bit on the dumber side.

Once it so happened that this disciple was standing at the base of a steep hill. On top of this hill there was a big monkey trying to climb a boulder (rock) and in doing so, pushing the boulder. The boulder was slowly moving from its place.

A stranger who was walking nearby shouted repeatedly at the disciple ‘move away, the boulder might roll down’. The disciple ignored the stranger since he genuinely believed there is god in everything.  Suddenly, the huge rock rolled down and by the time the disciple realised and tried to move away, he was hit and suffered many injuries.

When his spiritual master learned about this and came to visit him, the devoted disciple was inconsolable and complained bitterly. “Master you have always said that there is god in everything. There is god in the monkey and in the rock, and you know very well, I have always been so devoted to god. So how is it that both have caused me so much harm?”

The master explained with a smile “my son, you completely forgot that there is also god in the stranger who was warning you several times to move away”.

Namaste, Cheers and Happy New Year 2017. Stay blessed. 

©Staju Jacob, 2017.

Staju Jacob is the author of the path-breaking book Karmasutra The Karma of Sex, which deals with the karmic spirituality of consensual sexual actions. This book is available globally on various Amazon sites in Paperback and Kindle, Sony Kobo, Google books, Iphone Ibook etc.  He may be contacted on Twitter @KaRmasutraTKOS