This blog does not aim to prove the harm of an
inflated ego—history and daily life provide ample evidence. Instead, it
explores methods used by wise individuals to reduce their ego, which is vital
for personal harmony and spiritual growth. For example, I knew someone who,
despite success and charity, struggled with meditation due to an oversized ego.
After his guru advised ego reduction, he adopted practical techniques that led
to renewed spiritual progress. An initial defensive reaction to such advice often
signals an ego in need of trimming. As noted in my blog An Introspection
Framework (http://karmasutratkos.blogspot.co.uk/2016/11/an-introspection-framework.html), ego can manifest as anger or jealousy.
Having said this, if we are seeking only to acquire certain siddhis or special psychic powers, then this condition does not apply. That is because attaining such powers requires only the ability to use certain aids, whether tantra, mantra, yantra or techniques to communicate with unseen cosmic entities or energies. As a result, even highly egoistic individuals may obtain psychic powers. However, it must be remembered that true spiritual growth is not merely about acquiring such abilities.
Now, having discussed the value of reducing the ego, let me come to the main focus of this blog: practical ego-burning techniques. I should add that this is by no means a complete list. If readers wish to contribute their own ego-reduction methods, I would gladly welcome their additions.
• Seeking Help – In many Western societies, we are encouraged to be independent. However, those who consciously strive to remain humble are willing to ask for help. Egoistic individuals often want to do everything themselves not because they enjoy the extra effort, but because they cannot bear the humility involved in seeking assistance. For instance, even when lost in the middle of a crowded city, unable to make sense of a map, some of us resist asking for directions simply because it involves humbly seeking help from another human being. If asking for even the smallest favour makes us uncomfortable, it is likely a sign of an inflated ego.
It is no coincidence that certain monastic orders in the East require monks to eat food obtained through begging. If they receive more than needed on a given day, they are forbidden from storing it. This daily practice of asking for food—often facing ridicule—serves to keep them humble. Of course, I am not suggesting that everyone adopt such a stringent lifestyle. However, we can apply this ego-burning principle in small ways. We might ask friends or acquaintances for advice, even when we are capable of resolving an issue ourselves, or ask for directions or other minor assistance.
For men who take pride in their looks or charm, a humorous yet effective technique is to ask a beautiful woman for sensual companionship. If she rejects the request, it becomes a valuable ego-deflating experience (for which he should thank her). And if she accepts, it becomes a mutually enjoyable celebration.
• Indulging Critics – We tend to be drawn to those who praise us and to avoid those who challenge our views. In more refined environments, such as corporate settings, this tendency becomes more subtle. Managers often appreciate team members who publicly support their plans and speak enthusiastically about their leadership. Conversely, those who raise concerns or highlight flaws are often side-lined. In private, we may label them ‘troublemakers’.
We prefer to surround ourselves with people who laugh loudly at our jokes. One way to identify flatterers is to observe who laughs the loudest at a joke that is barely funny.
Despite this tendency, it is still possible to seek out and meet our critics in person. Sharing a meal with them and listening openly to their feedback is a powerful way to reduce the ego. Inviting people with opposing political or ideological views, especially those we find hard to agree with, can also help in this regard.
Another ego-reduction practice is to remain connected with people who openly and repeatedly disagree with our social media posts, especially on political or social matters. One of my spiritually realised friends once advised me to do this. I attempted it and found it incredibly challenging to resist the urge to unfriend those who harshly criticised my Facebook posts, particularly those who were not close acquaintances. On Twitter, despite my efforts, I unfortunately gave in to the temptation and blocked those who frequently insulted me.
• Discouraging Flatterers – Some years ago, I watched a television interview with a political leader who was asked why she allowed her followers to prostrate and fall at her feet. She claimed she had asked them not to do so, but they simply refused to listen. (In fact, a recent amusing image showed a sports minister from an African country giving an exaggeratedly deferential handshake to his president. This picture was the butt of many twitter jokes.)
Egoistic people do not like embarrassments and often punish those who even witness such signs of their weakness. For men, being caught in a restaurant without money to pay the bill is a major embarrassment. Similarly, being caught with an open fly, or burping or passing gas in public, can be deeply embarrassing. Of course, deliberately creating an embarrassing situation might not be practical for commoners like us, but how a person responds afterwards is a useful indicator of ego. If an unforeseen embarrassment leads to intense anger towards someone—a subordinate, colleague or servant, or even oneself—it is a clear sign of a bloated ego. The ability to laugh at oneself in such moments is a sign of a well-trimmed ego.
- Treating those far less powerful than us, better – Indian mythology recounts that when an angry sage once kicked the all-powerful Lord Vishnu in the chest, Lord Vishnu humbly enquired whether the sage’s leg had been hurt. Lord Krishna, an avatar of Vishnu, is also said to have shared with delight the beaten rice meal of his penniless, elderly classmate Sudama.
I once knew a
professor who was the Head of Department (HOD) in a university, leading a team
of several junior teachers. In most cases, if a junior colleague neglected a
task, he would quietly do it himself. If someone refused to teach a course, he
would cheerfully accept it. Some colleagues would even remark, ‘What is our HOD
doing? He’s letting so-and-so take advantage of him.’ A few tried to convince
him to be more strict and demanding, but he would have none of it. I never once
saw him use power or coercion to compel others. He always made requests in the
most humble and respectful language, as though he were the subordinate.
There are three
broad ways in which people treat those far less powerful than themselves. Those
with bloated egos often behave with disdain, arrogance, or complete
indifference. People with moderate egos are generally kind and humane, but
react forcefully when the less powerful act unreasonably. Only the truly
humble—those with significantly reduced egos—respond with patience even when
the subordinate is arrogant or difficult. How we treat someone far below us in
power, especially when we have every reason to respond with authority, is a
telling indicator of our ego.
(However, a caveat:
avoiding conflict and power simply out of extreme timidity may not be a sign of
humility. Shyness and a reduced ego often go together, but if conflict
avoidance arises from a deep-seated inferiority complex, it becomes a case of
making a virtue out of necessity.)
- Trust and forgiveness – Some of my spiritual heroes used these as powerful ego-busting tools. It is said that Lord Rama, the mighty warrior avatar of Vishnu, forgave Ravana after defeating him in battle and even approached him with humility. Imagine confronting someone who has kidnapped your beloved wife and held her captive for years. If we were to defeat such a person and rescue our loved one, would we ever want to see their face again? But not Lord Rama. He asked his devoted younger brother Lakshmana to approach Ravana as a disciple and learn from his expertise in statecraft. Similarly, as Jesus lay dying on the cross, one of his final utterances was a prayer of forgiveness for those who harmed him.
Trust is another
profound tool for reducing ego. One reason children do not have large egos is
that they trust easily and forgive readily. They do not burden their memories
with lists of past grievances or use these to justify mistrust or bitterness.
Letting go of past
hurts and choosing to trust again is a powerful way to shrink the ego. One of
my spiritually wise friends often lends money to those who have previously
failed to repay him. Some may call him naïve, but he consciously uses this
experience of ‘being cheated’ as a spiritual exercise in humility.
Most religions
incorporate ego-reducing practices through rituals or customs. For instance, in
the Catholic Church, the sacrament of confession requires a person to kneel and
confess their sins to a priest. Even Catholic priests are expected to confess to
another priest. It can be a deeply humbling experience to reveal our innermost
secrets to someone with whom we share little personal intimacy. Among Hindus,
there is the ritual of offering one’s hair to the gods. A full head of hair is
often associated with good looks and ego, and to sacrifice it is an act of
humility. Prostrating before gods in temples, touching the feet of gurus or
elders, and performing suryanamaskar are
all practices in Indian culture aimed at reducing the ego. In Islam, the act of
namaaz, with one’s forehead touching the
ground in prayer, also serves to humble the self.
This blog has
already grown unusually long, and perhaps a bit unwieldy. My apologies for
that—though I may be clumsily trying to practise an ego-busting technique here.
As mentioned before, this is not an exhaustive list, merely a collection of
techniques used by some of my spiritually advanced friends and acquaintances. I
thank them for kindly sharing these insights with me. I invite readers to add
their own tried and tested ego-busting techniques.
Wishing all my
readers a joyful Kristu Jayanti (Christmas) season and a very Happy New Year
2017.