The Changing Contours of Gender

In ancient Hinduism, the physical manifestation of gender has always been considered something temporary. In the 1st chapter of the book ‘Karmasutra The Karma of Sex’, I have mentioned the ancient Mahabharata (Hindu-epic) story of Shikhandi, a princess who takes birth subsequently in a male physical form, to achieve her objective of taking revenge from Bheeshma, although mentally she is still a woman. There are other examples too.  Lord Vishnu easily takes the form of beautiful Mohini and steals nectar from the hands of demons. The ancient form where Lord Shiva merges into his consort Parvati and assumes the form of half-woman and half-man Ardhanarishwara, is another beautiful example which depicts the fluidity of gender.

Such examples are difficult to find in the Quran or the Bible. In the West, in the Christian tradition, gender has by and large, always been considered sacrosanct – like time and space. Gender change or people behaving different to their originally ‘designed’ gender has been frowned upon in the Bible. The Biblical verse Deuteronomy 22:5 says quite unambiguously “A woman shall not wear a man's garment, nor shall a man put on a woman's cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God.”

In the Old Testament of the Bible, gender roles are clearly stratified. For example, Genesis 2:18 says   “….Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.””   Similarly, in Genesis 3:16  “To the woman he (God) said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.””

As we progress further into the Bible New Testament, things seem to be slightly better for women, with the promise of equality in salvation. For example, in Galatians 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus”.

In the last century, in the West, there has been much improvement in this whole outlook towards the female gender. Starting from women’s suffrage and equality before law, the West has started to accept that gender and the roles based on gender dictated by religious mores are best left to books. Women have increasingly taken up every kind of job previously the sole preserve of men.  For example, today in many parts of the world, there are women in roles such as lorry drivers, taxi drivers, soldiers in frontline combat, fighter plane pilots, heavy crane operators and ladies working as prison wardens inside male prisons.  In most other non-Catholic denominations, women have also acquired many church leadership positions.

For various reasons, Islamic societies have been many steps behind. In countries like Saudi, women still have to be accompanied by men while travelling, or they could be arrested. In order to travel abroad, they need permission from the male head of the family. In many Islamic countries, the women is not considered the equal to man in the eyes of law.  In Pakistan, for example, as per the Hudood ordinance introduced during the Zia regime, a female victim of rape must produce four male witnesses to support her accusation. If she fails to do so, she could be punished for adultery, which again, is a crime in Islam. In other words, the whole onus is on the accused to produce four witnesses, that too males who have witnessed her being raped.  Otherwise the victim could become the convicted criminal. What gross injustice!!

Even in non-Islamic so-called democratic countries such as India, Nepal or Sri Lanka, despite their ancient Eastern influence/traditions, at least in the rural areas and in small towns, the societal norms for women are rather stringent.  For example, there is still a loss of reputation in the society for a family whose daughters travel to and from the house after dark.

On the contrary, in Western developed societies, the acceptance of gender role reversals has gone up by leaps and bounds, to the extent that there is acceptance that men can also take up tasks, meant exclusively for women earlier. This acceptance, backed by law has resulted in far-reaching changes in public attitudes and ideas about gender.  The recent story in Time magazine about a transgender brother of a reputed author breastfeeding the baby created a sensation. There was another similar story in the Guardian. The idea of a man breastfeeding a baby was still shocking to some, while to many, it was a sign of our modern times. If women can do the tasks assigned for men, why can’t men opt for some of the biological tasks reserved for women such as bearing a baby or breast-feeding?

This slow acceptance is not related to acceptance of gender roles. We are also beginning to accept that the physical features that define different genders are also not set in stone. The story of the bearded lady Harnaam Kaur from Slough, UK is a case in point. After struggling with bullying, feelings of inferiority and shame for years, she has slowly transformed into a fashion icon in London. 

This is also perhaps a step forward in gender equality. If men have the choice of retaining the beards or looking clean and well-shaven, why should the same choices not be available to women, especially those who happen to have hair growth?  Some women have also decided to make a statement about their equality by refusing to shave their armpit hair, even when they wear sleeveless clothes.

But if medical sciences kick start their fast-track innovations, in a similar way to what has happened in computing and electronics, perhaps we can really see a world in not-so-far future where gender becomes a fluid and transient identity factor for every human.  Large numbers of people might opt to stay as men for some periods of their lives and then remain women for the remaining part of their lives (or vice-versa). It may also happen that large numbers of people might even choose to keep switching their genders every few years like they might switch their cars, dresses or mobile phones.  When this happens, the whole militant feminism movement may lose some of its steam, simply because if a woman does not like what she is, she can easily switch to become a man. Similarly, if a man does not like it among men, he can opt out of that gender.  Some people might even choose to remain hermaphrodites, since it might give them more flexibility in sexual matters. Most government forms may be forced to remove gender as one factor of identification or may have a query which reads ‘what is your present gender?’ or ‘what gender would you like to declare yourself to be?’

The present thinking of gender as something written in stone must go. The story of Shikhandi’s gender change in Mahabharata across different births will start happening in a single lifetime for many. To all those who seek spiritual guidance in these times of changing paradigms, the ancient Hindu image of Ardhanarishwara should be a guiding futuristic allegory in matters related to gender.

©Staju Jacob, 2017.

Staju Jacob is the author of the path-breaking book Karmasutra The Karma of Sex, which deals with the karmic spirituality of consensual sexual actions. This book is available globally on various Amazon sites in Paperback and Kindle, Sony Kobo, Google books, Iphone Ibook etc.  He may be contacted on Twitter @KaRmasutraTKOS 

Listening to the Universe

Some years ago, I used to teach at a college in North West London as visiting faculty. The classroom was on the third floor of the building, while most of the teaching essentials such as whiteboard markers, laptop, projector cable and so on were kept in the faculty office on the ground floor. Most teachers had to make one or two trips downstairs. Thankfully, there was a lift. I had two classes per week on that floor for one trimester (about three months).

I remember a rather pretty colleague who taught another subject on the same floor, with the same timings as mine. She was lovely, with striking features, long dark hair and beautiful dark eyes (and no, dear readers, this true story is not going anywhere romantic :-)). She was in her late thirties and had put on some weight after childbirth a few years earlier. She had both morning and afternoon classes on that floor, with an hour-long lunch break in between. I often noticed her eating lunch in the classroom itself. On most days, she would be having a thick cabbage soup. She told me she was trying hard to lose weight by cutting down on carbs.

One day, midway through the trimester, the only lift in the building stopped working. As it turned out, it remained out of order for the rest of the term. During this period, my colleague would climb the stairs once in the morning, all the while cursing the college administration for not fixing the lift. Until her classes ended at 5 in the evening, she would only go down a floor if she needed to use the toilet. Otherwise, she would use her charm and a friendly smile to persuade me or other male colleagues heading to the ground floor to fetch things for her, such as markers. Some of the male teachers on that floor even made special trips downstairs just for her—such was her charm. In her own way, she was quite pleased that she could get things done using her pleasant manner.

At the time, the irony of it didn't strike me, but it did later. Here was a woman working hard to reduce her calorie intake through salads and cabbage soup, yet when the universe sent her opportunities for physical activity—like climbing stairs—she refused to embrace them.

The universe (or God, or Guardian Angel, or Allah, or Ishwar, depending on one’s preferred term) is always trying to do some good for us, but we often fail to see it. In countless small ways, the universe sends us messages about what we need holistically, in alignment with our destiny, but we often refuse to recognise them. As I mention in my book Karmasutra, developing a thinner CSB (cosmic sensitivity barrier) is immensely helpful in recognising and appreciating these gifts. If our minds are too cluttered with the noise of the external world, we lose the subtle skills required for introspection.

A bloated ego also leaves little room for introspection. The introspection matrix I shared in my November 2016 blog post (http://karmasutratkos.blogspot.co.uk/2016/11/an-introspection-framework.html) might be useful here. Similarly, methods to reduce ego may also help (refer to http://karmasutratkos.blogspot.co.uk/2016/12/beating-down-ego-some-feasible-tried.html).

Perhaps I can share more simple examples of how the universe tries to guide us. Sometimes, at a big function or event, we arrive to find that many of the dishes are already finished. This, too, may be the universe trying to tell us we do not need those extra calories—or that it is protecting us from that food altogether.

A friend of mine in Goa once told me, in the presence of his wife, that he used to get annoyed with her when he returned from work and found less rice on his dinner plate. His wife replied that she always served the same quantity, but on some days he was simply ravenous. He wondered why she couldn’t just cook a little extra rice every day. She responded that she didn’t like wasting food on days when he had little appetite.

Later, he told me his wife had started cooking extra rice daily so that he could eat to his heart’s content. At the time, I sympathised with him, having had similar conversations with my mother about food.

A few weeks ago, I spoke to this friend again, and he told me he had been diagnosed with high cholesterol and borderline diabetes. He attributed it to work-related stress. It occurred to me that years ago, the universe may have been sending him a message through his wife to eat less at night but he simply refused to listen.

Another friend from North India enjoys driving fast. One summer, his car engine overheated and broke down during a long journey. Perhaps the universe was trying to tell him to slow down.

The universe sends us many such messages. Sometimes the bus that takes us from the train station to the office (a 15-minute walk) is cancelled. This might be the universe reminding us we need the exercise.

Some of us watch late-night films after work, then wake early the next day and feel exhausted. This is the universe warning us that our sleep needs are not being met. Instead of dismissing the message with a double espresso and flooding our system with caffeine, we might do better by meditating or napping during the commute. A mobile phone alarm can wake us just before our 20-minute journey ends.

The universe also speaks to us through our bodies. Assuming no chronic digestive disorder, frequent high acidity is a sign we are overeating or consuming too much sugar. We don’t need to be spiritually advanced to read these basic signals.

Here are some simple ways the universe communicates:

• We are having lunch at the office when someone unexpectedly drops by. This could be the universe’s way of telling us to stop eating or to share our food, thereby preventing excess calorie intake.

• A phone call during a meal might be a cue to pause or slow our eating.

• During an intense meeting to negotiate a tricky contract, an interruption—a phone call or visitor might be a signal that we need to pause and rethink. We could be missing something. Taking a break and continuing later may help.

• In the midst of a heated argument at home with a spouse, relative or close friend, a phone or doorbell interruption should not be ignored. It may be a sign we are about to cross a red line in the argument. We can use that moment to cool down. Ignoring the interruption and continuing the argument might lead us to say or do something we later regret.

The universe also speaks to us in more complex aspects of life. Sometimes we invest deeply in a romantic relationship that brings constant stress and sleepless nights. We convince ourselves that all relationships must be like this. But perhaps the stress is the universe telling us that this is not the right relationship. When we are with the person meant for us, we feel happier overall, even if we argue occasionally. Human beings were not created to endure continuous emotional stress over a partner. That’s not a natural way to live. If the stress is constant, it is a sign to reconsider. Sometimes we fail to think creatively and explore the options before us.

The same applies to our work lives. We are always more productive when we are happy and not overly stressed. If our job causes constant stress, perhaps it’s time to look for a new workplace. The universe always presents options.

If we’ve changed jobs three or four times and still experience the same breaking-point pressures, we might be in the wrong career. If we’ve always loved English literature but are working in investment banking due to parental pressure for a 'prestigious' job, we may continue to feel stressed no matter where we work. This is the universe reminding us we are not fulfilling our true calling.

Sometimes we love our profession but feel we’re being treated unfairly in one organisation, so we move to another. There, too, we find office politics and negativity. We change jobs again and the situation worsens. It begins to feel like we’re jumping from frying pan to fire.

In such cases, the problem may not be the profession. The universe may be telling us to be less self-centred. We may be too focussed on our own thoughts and feelings, forgetting the importance of spreading happiness. The remedy is simple: buy a birthday card for someone, offer public appreciation of a colleague’s good work, or spend time with someone we usually avoid and try to build a connection.

The universe also sends deeper messages. Suppose I am a devout Muslim walking peacefully on the High Street, and a volunteer from a Hindu organisation offers me a free copy of the Bhagavad Gita. My first instinct might be to decline and move on. But perhaps the universe is offering me a chance to deepen my spiritual understanding by learning about another path. There is an old saying in India: "When the disciple is ready, the guru will appear."

Discerning what the universe is telling us is not always easy. Our logical and reactive instincts may pull us in another direction. But if we learn to listen, things begin to fall into place. Harmony increases, and people may even begin to call us ‘lucky’.

Let me close with a story I once read. There was a great spiritual master who taught that God exists in all things—animals, humans and even inanimate objects. Among his many disciples was one who was very devoted but somewhat lacking in intelligence.

One day, this disciple stood at the base of a steep hill. At the top, a monkey was struggling to climb while pushing a large boulder. The boulder began to shift. A passer-by nearby saw what was happening and shouted repeatedly, “Move away, the boulder might roll down!” But the disciple ignored him, believing that since God was in everything—the monkey and the rock, no harm would come.

Suddenly, the boulder rolled down. The disciple tried to move but was too late and was badly injured.

When the master heard what had happened and came to visit him, the disciple was inconsolable. “Master, you always taught that God is in everything. I’ve always been so devoted. How could the monkey and the rock harm me?”

The master smiled and replied gently, “My son, you forgot that God was also in the stranger who was warning you to move away.”

Namaste, Cheers and Happy New Year 2017. Stay blessed. 

©Staju Jacob, 2017.

Staju Jacob is the author of the path-breaking book Karmasutra The Karma of Sex, which deals with the karmic spirituality of consensual sexual actions. This book is available globally on various Amazon sites in Paperback and Kindle, Sony Kobo, Google books, Iphone Ibook etc.  He may be contacted on Twitter @KaRmasutraTKOS